Friday, February 12, 2010

Finally living a real life without any fakes or bullshit


To think i moved here almost 8 years ago and it took that long to finally realize what i should be doing with my life and in my life. let us not forget those who should and should not be a part of my life.

Battling a previous and recent addiction to opiates the likes of heroin and Oxycontin is an everyday struggle and i fight the fight everyday. THANK GOD FOR MY PRESCRIPTION TO 30mg Adderall which I receive 60 a month and my wonderful slim and sexy 2mg Xanax bars which i happily receive 90 monthly. a good set up for a 21yo borderline schizo? I think so and it seems to keep me om order and happy about life and shit in general. I have been told I am everything from schizophrenic to manic bipolar to manic depressive to Tom Cruise Disorder.

My psychiatrist at the moment is a very intelligent and caring fellow although my parents call him "Dr. Feelgood" I call him a doctor who rather than tell you what is good for you and what medication you will be taking, someone who will sit with you and have an intelligent conversation(if you the patient can do so) about what YOU the patient feels might be the best course of action be it cognitive behavioral therapy or some form of medication.

After the first Doc's RX cocktail of Celexa (a younger cuzn of Lexapro) and Risperdal (a anti-psychotic usually given to schizophrenics and in 2009 was discovered to cause breast enlargement in men because of heightened levels of estrogen) it took 3-4 more doctors that besides the FACT that an SSRI and an anti-psychotic medication caused a massive seizure at the age of i believe 17 or 18 which never occurred previously...obviously this is not good...umm....DURRRRRRRR. Not only this but I also would come prepared for every suggestion these prescribing whores. I call these medical professionals whores cuz u know damn well the reason the same medications, from the same companies who invented it, PAY THESE SO CALLED DOCTORS EVERY GOD DAMN TIME THEY PRESCRIBE THEIR MEDS! OVER ALL OTHERS even if another medication is a safer and/or better choice! Even if another medication has much less side effects or less chance you will end up MORE depressed and end up killing yourself.

ALL I KNOW as my local drug community's proclaimed street pharmacist I have done my homework for a very long time and brought paperwork, lab reports, and user reviews to doctors and took psychiatrist #5 to respect my intelligence and understand I may know just a teeny bit what might be good for me. I of course do not want to be on medication forever but as of now I am young and my combo of 30mg Adderall 2x daily and 2mg Xanax(Alprazolam) bars 2x daily and 1 for sleep keeps me functioning without causing a fuss or annoyance to my family or community. fuck what my family and their friends want to say, I will take care of the business coming my way and after that let my paper stack and just picture me rollin ;)

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